Yeah... Today's my baby boy's 8 month birthday thing. He's so little. And I lost him on Thursday. =[ I really miss him, it's actually insane. I didn't know that it could hurt this much, it feels like a limb is missing or something. Just feel empty without him. Sigh... So I haven't really stopped crying since Thursday evening... And today we gave up looking 'cuz it's not really working and he'll have started hunting for himself and stuff... But at least we figure he's happy, 'cuz he's probably chilling in the country club/ giant golf course near our home and it's really big and full of trees and birds so he'll be good there. And happy. He'll be fine without me. Doesn't mean I'll be fine without him, but yeah. Guess I'm gonna have to, right? Sorry, this is all a little rambly. Just needed to get it out somewhere.

And I just keep thinking, I'm never gonna have him sitting on my fist, never gonna write in his progress book, never have him scratch me, never go hunting with him, never listen to his stupid radar noises when we're out, never feel him, ever again. Never. And it's sad. Really sad. Then I think about the times when I was really just not in the mood to fly him and I feel just... Horrible. Should have made the most of it.

Sorry. Enough self-pity.

(Lost him when I was out hunting on the sidewalks and he missed a bird and went up into this tree and I was trying to call him down but he was all nervous and stuff and he has this really irrational fear of black people (no jokes) and this loud pickup truck came past with a few black people in it and he really freaked out and flew into the complex next to us and that was the last I saw of him. The country club is right next door to that so he should be there. Sigh.)

I miss him. =[ He's my baby.

As a side note, if anyone can draw birds of prey or knows anyone else who can, can you let me know?

Thanks guys...